But I figure better late than never. Usually in January, or just the beginning of the year, there are many commentaries about how we have made our resolutions of what we are going to change in this year. I was trying to think of a resolution I would like to see myself accomplish. Well, first of all, I am going to get my blog updated more quickly than I have been able to do in the past month-plus. ;-)
Also, something that I see each night I come home and my boys (ages 11 and 12) never want to answer that that question I feel that I and every other parent ask: “How was school today; what did you do?” Even these two don’t answer. Their usual answer, much like probably yours, is “Alright. ...Nothing.”
So for me my resolution for this year was to try to be able to put less stress on them about school, yet still be involved and show them that I am interested in their learning.
I found a great article online, which I have reprinted below.
“10 Ways To Get Your Kids To Talk To You” by Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC
Parents can often be frustrated by their kids' unwillingness to share their lives with them. Whether your kids are toddlers or teens, there will be times when it's difficult to "break through" and find out what's really going on. Here are ten ideas on how to create opportunities for your kids to open up and share their lives with you.
1.
Don't try so hard
to get them to talk. The harder you try to get them to talk, the more they'll
resist you. When you relax the pressure a bit, they'll sense it and be more
ready to talk to you.
2.
Slow down your
own life and be available. Kids have a keen sense of how busy you are. If
you're providing enough down time for you and your kids, they'll be more likely
to feel comfortable talking to you.
3.
Engage in a
physical activity that they enjoy. Shooting baskets, playing soccer, or a game
of catch may have your child chattering away. Moving the body can serve to move
the mouth as well!
4.
Be as non-judgmental
as possible. If your kids feel they won't be judged when they talk to you
they'll have no reason to hold back. Have a sense of curiosity and wonder about
what they're saying, and limit the lectures about what's right or wrong.
5.
Use open-ended
questions. Questions that begin with "why" tend to create
defensiveness, and yes or no questions won't get you much of a response. Learn
to use questions that will stimulate conversation. "What did you notice
about that picture?" works better than, "Did you like that
picture?"
6.
Use the car as a
place for conversation. You've got them and they can't get out! Don't allow
video games or other toys to interfere with your opportunity to talk with them.
7.
Reflect back what
you hear from them. It's still the best way for your kids to feel heard and the
best way to encourage them to expand on the subject.
8.
Talk to them
while they're coloring, painting, or drawing. Using these activities to allow
your kids to express themselves can have them expressing themselves to you as
well. And joining in on the activity yourself can produce an even greater sense
of connection and sharing.
9.
Provide
opportunities for fun and excitement. Whatever the activity, when your kids are
doing something they love to do they'll want to share it with you. Provide
these for your kids and listen to them talk about it afterward!
10.
Be a parent, but
be friendly as well. While you must be a parent first, being a friend to your
kids will help them to want to share with you. Don't overdo the strict parental
stuff.
